Flight
by LateNight-Drive
Summary: Kano's fears and regrets haunt his dreams. After a particularly unnerving nightmare featuring a certain girl with green hair, he has trouble going about his daily life. Will he finally open up, or will he continue to let his thoughts corrode his mind? / / Implied suicide
1. Heat and Tears

The air was scorching with heat while the setting sun dipped the clouds in an unnaturally bright red glow. The stuffy air filled his lungs with sweltering ardour as he watched the city's skyline from the rooftop of a high building.

It felt surreal, almost. His eyes narrowed as he shifted his gaze towards the sky that was starting to tinge slightly purple, announcing the approaching nightfall. He loved the night. It put an end to the oppressive atmosphere of the hot summer days. It gave him space to breathe.  
To him, the night was always linked to freedom. During the day everything was visible to the eye. He had to make an effort to keep up his mask in fear of slipping up and revealing things the world didn't have to know. The night was different. The cold light of neon tubes and luminescent screens filled the city. Shadows jumped about here and there, and no one paid mind to a shady boy strolling through the streets.  
It was easier to hide during the night.

A sigh left his lips. How he hated the sun.

He looked down to the street below. Not many people were out due to the heat. The white pavement smiled up at him. Almost as if luring him to jump into its hard embrace.

_Just like she did._

He balanced himself on the ledge of the building, almost carelessly walking along the narrow wall that separated the rooftop from certain death. His worn out eyes looked longingly at the venomous promise of salvation. Ah, but he still had too many things to settle, so the pavement would have to wait for another day.

It was tiring, really. Living a life of deceit, surviving on lies. But what else could he do? Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Yet another bitter sigh left his lips.

"What's all this sighing about?" He heard a familiar voice calling from behind him. Ah, that voice. It was the voice that greeted him when he woke up in the morning and scolded him when he was caught coming back from one of his frequent night strolls once again. It was by far one of his most favourite voices.

He turned around to face the visitor, a fake smile on his face.

"Kido! My, what brings you here? On such a hot day, no less." he fanned his face in an exaggerated fashion to add to his statement.

"I could ask you the same thing." She retorted. Her eyes were hidden behind her hood and bangs, but he could tell from experience she was annoyed with his act.

His feelings of bitterness that plagued his mind so a few moments ago were pushed aside, still lingering in the back of his head, as he playfully dismissed her statement.

"Ah, but I asked first! But really, what are you doing here? Were you looking for me? Aw, how sweet, our faithful leader comes to get me~! Did you come to scold me for missing dinner?" He winked at her, a sly grin on his face, hoping to get a rise out of her. A little amusement couldn't do any harm, right?

However, she didn't react the slightest. Not even a flinch. Such lack of reaction surely was unusual, so he figured something else must be the matter. He started to wonder if he did anything to seriously upset het lately, but nothing came to his mind.

"Say, Kano..." she said as she stepped onto the low wall he was standing on. He tensed up as she did. He knew it was dangerous. She could slip and fall, and while he put his own life in that exact danger this very moment, he didn't feel comfortable watching her do the same thing. It wasn't like her at all to do something risky like that. Moreover, it wasn't like her not to yell at him for doing something so stupid. What was she up to?

"Why are you here of all places?" she looked at him, her charcoal eyes staring at him blankly. The wind blew off her hood and her green hair swayed with the breeze.

Suddenly the air was hot. The back-breaking heat rushed into his body, squeezing his lungs as his stomach churned for some unknown reason. The sky had grown considerably darker. It was as if the whole atmosphere shifted into some distorted setting. He felt uncomfortable, nervous, anxious.

" I just came to admire the view, what else would I be doing!" He laughed. It was a nervous laugh. He tried to hide his uneasiness, but it wouldn't quite work as well as he wished.

She tilted her head slightly, and smiled.

"You really are a liar." He flinched, as she looked at him with empty eyes, still smiling. "You never learn, do you?"

"Kido...?" He'd known that one day even she would have enough and confront him, but this was so unlike her. Kido yelled, Kido punched and Kido was a firework of emotion when she was angry. So why was she acting like this?

She took a step back and Kano froze. Too close. That was way too close to the edge.  
The feeling of panic rose in his chest. What was she planning? Was this some kind of sick way to teach him a lesson?

"Kido, get away from there! That's dangerous!" He had to do something. He'd been in this scenario before, and he did not intend to let it have the same outcome. He took a few steps forward. He tried to smile, but his eyes were wide in worry and fear.

"C-come on, I know I shouldn't be up here, but that's no reason to pull such an act. I learned my lesson, no more lingering on rooftops, okay?" He raised his hands in defence, cautiously eyeing her every movement.

"L-let's just go home." He looked at her with pleading eyes, wishing she'd only get away from that goddamn ledge.

"Are you scared?"

"W-what?" He perked up, surprised by her sudden question.

"Are you scared? Because I'm standing here. Right where she stood."

His breath caught in his throat. The lack of emotion in her voice made her words feel like a punch in the gut. Why would she bring up Ayano? Why is she playing such cruel games with his mind? What is she trying to accomplish with this?

"Just what's your fucking problem?!" he yelled at her, his voice laced with anger and frustration.

"Just get off that ledge! I'm serious, Kido, please!" He held out his hand for her to take in a desperate attempt to convince her. "Please..."

He was scared. He was so, so scared. He had been there when his sister committed suicide. He was there, and he couldn't stop her. All his feelings from back then welled up again, chilling the marrow in his bones and bringing tears to his eyes. And now, he was in the same position. Whether Kido was serious or not, it didn't matter. He just wanted it to _stop._

"You're really useless, you know that, Kano?"

Again, this emotionless tone that obscured the voice he grew so fond of.

Yes, he knew that. He knew that all too well. He couldn't save his sister back then, and he can't save her now. And it's _killing him._

"No matter how hard you try, it will always end up this way." Kido softly gave a push against the ledge and her body tilted towards the unforgiving truth of death.

He rushed forward. His attempt to grab her before it was too late was futile.

He screamed her name.

As he shot up in bed his hands were clutching his blanket while he was panting heavily. His body was covered in cold sweat and his hair clung to his forehead. It took him a moment to realize what had happened.

_It was a dream. It was a dream. It was only a dream._

He kept repeating those words in his head as he wiped the hair out of his face and tried to calm his breathing.

_Only a dream._

What a fucked up way to remind him of his sins. He was going to thank his brain later.

He got up and walked towards the bathroom. When he passed by Kido's room he couldn't help but stop. He leaned his head against the door and listened for a while. Soft shuffling could be heard every now and then. She was turning in her sleep, probably. Maybe she had a nightmare, too?

He finally made his way to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. And so he stood there for a few minutes. Trembling hands grabbing the basin while his eyes stared into their reflection in the mirror. Those eyes he learned to despise. They were worn out and reddened and the dark shadows under his eyes didn't exactly do his appearance any better.

After calming his mind some more he left. He didn't bother wiping his face, but instead let the water cool him in this hot summer night. The tips of his bangs dripped occasionally.

He entered Kido's room, mindful not to wake her, and sat on the floor next to her bed. He rested his chin on the mattress and watched her sleeping face.

_Peaceful._

Maybe she wasn't having a bad dream after all, at least he hoped so. At least one of them should get enough sleep tonight.

Kano's eyes stayed fixed on the girl, taking in her features that he already knew by heart. He didn't want to lose her. And god, would he fight to keep her safe. So he would keep on suffering for her sake. So that his nightmares would never come true. He doesn't want to be useless anymore. And if he has to sacrifice himself in the process, then that's fine with him.

He silently cried into the mattress, careful to choke every little sound that tried to escape his throat, soaking the bed sheets in the process.

_Don't worry, Kido_

_I'll protect you_

_I won't mess up this time_

_I promise_

* * *

Characters and Kangerou Project belong to Jin


	2. Proximity

Kano opened his eyes unwillingly. He was so damn tired. But the loud voices from the living room and the clattering of pots from the kitchen announcing breakfast, or lunch, told him it was time to get up.

He lazily flung his blanket to the side and slid out of bed. He put on his usual clothes and glanced into the mirror that hung on his wall. He looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and dark rings had formed under them, a reminder of how little sleep he had gotten last night. His hair was a mess, it stood up in various directions and gave him an unruly appearance. He was pale, too.

"Like a zombie." He thought and chuckled to himself. How funny, now he's making jokes about himself already. What was he trying to accomplish, deceiving himself? He felt like shit and there was no denying it. And yet, even to his own reflection, he acted all happy and joked around. He really does never learn.

Memories of the night flashed in his mind suddenly. His dream, his fear, his tears. Her words. Everything came back in a sudden piercing sensation. Like a knife to the head.

He quickly took one of the pills he hid in the drawer of his bedside table and swallowed it dry. Just a painkiller, to soothe the agonizing headache that was sure to come any minute now. And even if it didn't come, taking those pills always had a calming effect on Kano. He wondered why. In the end, he was deceiving himself again, right? What was it called, the placebo effect? Something like that.

He ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to disentangle and flatten them out a little. Or at least, flatten them out as much as he could with his slightly wavy hair. He put on a well rested and happy face so no one would notice how worn out he really was this morning. With that, he was prepared for the day.

He entered the living room with a cheery smile and let out a happy "Good morning~!" He checked the clock on the wall above the TV and noticed something. It wasn't morning at all. It was noon.

"Oh, Kano, you're finally up!" he heard Seto call to him from the couch where he, Mary and Momo sat. He gave them all a little wave and plopped down on the couch next to the idol.

"Yeah, I had such a cool dream I decided to just sleep a little longer!" Kano lied. "You were in it, and Mary was, too! We were special agents in a secret organization with the goal to defeat the head of an underground mafia! And when we finally faced our enemy, guess who it was?" he waved his arms around in a theatrical fashion to build up as much suspense as possible.

"It was Danchou! Kido Tsubomi, the leader of that evil institution! It was a real plot twist, so shocking it woke me up!" he grinned. First thing he says to his friends and it's a lie.

"Speaking of the devil," Kano had to grin at this comparison, "where's Kido?"

The rummaging from the kitchen had stopped when he was still in his room, so he thought she was done cooking and sitting with the others or setting the table, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"You just missed her, actually. Kido said she was missing some ingredients for today's lunch, so she went to the store to get them." Seto explained smiling.

Damn. He really wanted to see her right now. Just to see her face and hear her voice. Just to see she was really okay. He needed that right now.

But for now he had to wait. He was impatient and fidgeted in his spot when he felt anxiety welling up in his chest again. The dream really had gotten to him. She was only at the grocery store, so there was no need to worry. What's the worst that could happen?

He felt nervous. He needed to distract himself.

"Say Momo, what brings you here? I mean, not that it bothers me, but aren't you usually super busy with your concerts and stuff?" He asked nonchalantly, his cat-like irises now fixed on the young popstar.

"I have a little announcement to make! But I want to wait until Danchou's back. The others already know about it, so you guys are the only ones left." Momo answered excitedly.

"An announcement?" Mary and Kano wondered simultaneously, just as the door opened and a familiar figure carrying a plastic bag entered the base.

"I'm back." Kido said and headed straight for the kitchen.

"Lunch should be about 20 minutes."

Kano felt like the weight of the world fell off his shoulders. She was there. She was fine.

He was hungry.

"Wait up, Danchou~!" he called as he left his spot on the couch and followed her into the kitchen.

Once there, Kido put the bag on the counter and turned around to face Kano.

"What is it?" she asked. Her face was relaxed, showing no scowl, but no smile either. Very different from the Kido in his dream, luckily.

"I just figured I could help you out a little." Kano answered with a suspiciously innocent smile, to which Kido raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Okay, I guess? You can start with putting away the groceries, I'll get started on chopping the vegetables for today's lunch." She eyed him with suspicion as he began emptying the plastic bag without hesitation. Kano wasn't exactly the most, well, diligent person in the household, not to say he was lazy. But he liked being pampered and taken care of, so he would usually take advantage of Kido when she was doing chores and slipped away so he didn't have to help her.

Unless he wanted something, of course.

"Kano, is there something you want? Because if there is you should have told me before I went to the store. I'm not making another trip today." She made that pretty clear.

"Huh? Can't a guy be nice every once in a while? Seriously Kido, you offend me." Kano clasped his shirt at the spot where his heart should be.

"But if you want to give me a reward for helping out, I won't complain, you know?" A sly grin spread across his face as he winked at her. She just gave him an incredulous look as if saying 'That's bullshit and you know it.' And she was right, of course he was only joking. He really just wanted to spend some time with her.

"Aw, come on Kido, smile a little! I'm trying really hard to lighten the mood here. You could at least laugh at my jokes." Kano puffed his cheeks like a pouting child and resumed putting the groceries in their respective cupboards.

"Haha, very funny. I can barely contain myself." Kido said dryly, sarcasm lacing her voice.

"Now can you get me the pan over there?"

"Sure."

Once they were done cooking and everyone was seated at the table and eating the meal à la Kido and Kano, Momo decided it was time to make her announcement.

"Alright guys! As you all know, I have a lot of concerts in many different locations, and it's been a while since I had a gig in this city. But tonight there's going to be a huge festival in the park by the river and I will be performing!" She smiled at all of them and blushed a little.

"I would be very happy if you guys came. It would be my first performance where I'm not just singing for the crowd, but for my friends! It would really mean a lot to me." Momo looked down at her plate, a little embarrassed, but visibly excited.

"We'd love to come, Kisaragi." Kido answered for all of them while flashing Momo one of her rare gentle smiles.

The young idol grabbed her bag from under her chair and began searching for something. Then she pulled out four laminated cards and handed them to the remaining gang members.

"What are these, Momo?" Mary asked. She turned the card around in her small hands and eyed it curiously.

"They're backstage tickets! You didn't think I would leave you standing in the dirt while I get ready, did you? There's so much to show you. Many people work hard to get the show going, so there's lots of interesting people to meet and things to see!" Momo jumped in her seat. She was really happy to finally be able to share this part of her life with her friends.

Kano had to admit, he was excited. He'd seen Momo's performances on TV plenty times before, and even though he never voiced it out loud, he really enjoyed her music. And while he'd snuck into concerts before, he'd never had the chance to take a look at the inner workings of a show.

And besides, it would be a good distraction from certain thoughts that have been haunting him all day.

"Wow, Momo, that's so cool~!" He said while slumping against the back of his chair and holding the ticket up close to his face to further examine it.

"The show starts at ten?" He asked.

"Yup! And the festival starts at five, so you have enough time to look around the booths and play some games."

"Oh! Can we play the goldfish catching game, Seto?" Mary chimed, her hopeful eyes glancing up to the taller male sitting next to her.

"I don't know, a pet means a lot of responsibility, Mary. You should ask Kido first if you're allowed to keep it if you catch one." Seto calmly explained.

They both turned to Kido with pleading eyes, especially Mary, who had been clutching her ticket to her chest this whole time. Her big rose coloured optics gleamed up at Kido, who barely managed to look the small medusa in the eyes. After a bit of contemplating the issue Kido finally gave in.

"Well, if you promise to take good care of it, I guess you could take it home. But make sure to give it a proper place to live in and that it has enough food, okay?"

Mary beamed at Kido and showered her in an array of 'thank you's. Kano had to grin at this. Ah, Kido's love for animals really is obvious. How cute.

"Anyway, thanks for the meal! It was delicious, Kido!" Momo said as she took her bag and got up from her seat. "But I have to go now, they're probably already waiting for me. Meet me at nine at the entry to the backstage area!" She called as she hurried out of the apartment, all while waving her friends goodbye.

"Hey, I helped making food, too, you know? Where's my praise?" Kano called after her, though he doubted she heard him.

"Well, we still have a couple of hours until the festival starts." Seto said as he began collecting the empty plates and the cutlery.

"I suggest we all get ready early, so we don't have to wait up on anybody when the rest of us is ready to leave." Kido shot a meaningful glare at Kano, who in turn held his hands up in defence.

After taking a shower each and getting dressed for the occasion they all sat on the couch to watch some TV before meeting up with Shintaro, Ene, Konoha and Hibiya. They still had an hour before they needed to leave.

Kido was busying herself with braiding Mary's hair since it often got caught in buttons or buckles of other people's clothing in crowded areas. Kano leaned against her back, much to her discomfort and Seto flipped through the channels hoping to find a report on the weather somewhere.

Kano knew he was annoying Kido, and he found it quite amusing. He knew she was concentrating so not to mess up Mary's hair, especially because braiding it all over again would be very troublesome, so he had a few minutes to saviour the feeling of her being so close to him. Of course he pretended to do this for the sole sake of getting on her nerves.

But he felt he needed this today. His cheek rubbed against the soft fabric of her purple sweater and he could smell the faint fragrance of her shampoo in his nose. He was almost tempted to wrap his arms around her as well, but that would have been too much of intimacy even for him.

"_I can hear her heartbeat..."_ Kano thought and he closed his eyes and just listened. It was like music to him. A song that told him she was there, alive, healthy. A song he had been so desperate to hear last night. He could hear her occasionally talking with Mary and felt her back vibrating as her voice filled the air with a pleasant sound. He could hear every single breath she took.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted when Kido slightly turned to shoot a glare at him.

"And what do you think you're doing?" she questioned him in a dangerously low voice.

"What's it look like? I'm leaning on you." He said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Well, it certainly was the truth.

"Yeah, but why? There's a pillow right next to you."

"But the pillow isn't Kido." He gave her a mischievous smile indicating he knew exactly what he needed to do to get her on edge.

And that earned him a slap to the back of his head.

* * *

Characters and Kangerou Project belong to Jin


End file.
